tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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