of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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