At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
