Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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