your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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