ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
