I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
