He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
