there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
