If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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