he thought i was a dude.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
