it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
