...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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