Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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