As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
