right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
