I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
