Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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