so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
