Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
