weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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