You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
