Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
