I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
