i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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