i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
