he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
