If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
