i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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