What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
