My vagina just recognized that song.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
