She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
