Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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