I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
