If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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