She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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