When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
