I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
