yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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