i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
