In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
