I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
