My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't turn off my feet"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
