Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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