Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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