I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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