This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
