Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
