I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
