Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
