I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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