Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
