Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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