I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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