If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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