Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
