I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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