i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
