So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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