I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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