You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
