just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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