Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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