Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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