i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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