thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
