Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
