Porn is love you can see.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
