I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
