Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
