Rock
Scissors
Fuck
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
