Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
