he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
