so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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