we're blogging at a bar
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
